A Series Of Lists Of Things About Pedro Feliz

By Alex Fritz - Contributor

CHICAGO - JULY 21: Pedro Feliz #77 of the Houston Astros runs the bases after hitting a game-tying pinch-hit home run in the 8th inning against the Chicago Cubs at Wrigley Field on July 21 2010 in Chicago Illinois. Don't get used to that. (Photo by Jonathan Daniel/Getty Images)

So, the Cardinals traded for a third baseman with a .555 OPS and diminishing defensive skills. It's not that we don't love you you anymore... Listen, don't cry... Let us just sit down and talk about this, no?

Aug 20, 2010 - Non-Fictional People Who I'd Rather See Play Third Base For The Cardinals Over Pedro Feliz
Wilford Brimley
James K Polk
Ray Liotta

Fictional People Who I'd Rather See Play Third Base For The Cardinals Over Pedro Feliz
Mayor McCheese
Hurley from Lost
Steve Gutenberg

Dead Baseball Players Who I'd Rather See Their Reanimated Corpses Play Third Base For The Cardinals Over Pedro Feliz
Mel Ott
Eddie Stanky
Lave Cross

Characters From Night Court I'd Rather See Play Third Base For The Cardinals Over Pedro Feliz
Rosalind "Roz" Russell
Dan Fielding
Mel Torme

Inanimate Objects I'd Rather See Play Third Base For The Cardinals Over Pedro Feliz
A pile of vomit covered in that weird stuff my grade school janitor put on puke that smelled like Apple Jacks
A Hammock
A Vince Coleman Bobblehead

Players With Better OPS's Than Pedro Feliz's .555
Cesar Izturis
Jose Lopez
Jason Kendall (by 68 points!)

Silver Lining! Top Three Similar Batters Through Their Age 34 Season, Per Baseball Reference
Scott Brosius - World Series Champion!
Scott Spiezio - World Series Champion!
Mike Pagliarulo - World Series Champion!

Things I Would Be Okay With Trading Away For Pedro Feliz
A half empty Orange Julius smoothie
The memory of Bob Horner, myself, and my mother having a very awkward encounter in the lobby of the Ballpark Marriott, circa 1988.
Pedro Feliz himself, stuck in a never-ending vortex of being traded

Things I Will Wish I Was Doing When Pedro Feliz Comes Up To Bat With Nobody On And The Cardinals Down By A Run In The Ninth Inning
Asking for help at a Home Depot
Listening to Nickleback
Offering fellatio for a hamburger at Eat Rite at three in the morning

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Alex Fritz

Contributor

Alex is 30 years old and lives in South City Saint Louis with his wife and dog. He's proud to live in a town where one of the major TV networks would rather play an hour of Simpsons re-runs than the... Read full bio

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Comments

still looking for that rec button fritzi

but please do elaborate on “The memory of Bob Horner, myself, and my mother having a very awkward encounter in the lobby of the Ballpark Marriott, circa 1988.”

..i miss ludriguez-wick..

by d-dee on Aug 20, 2010 9:57 AM CDT reply actions

That bobblehead is only good for a late inning defensive substitution

It’s in a guarding the line posture.

>While Albert Pujols batting, This Signature picked off second. Three out.

by TBender on Aug 20, 2010 9:59 AM CDT reply actions

rec'd

Please do not elaborate on the last one on the list.

by swmofan on Aug 20, 2010 10:01 AM CDT reply actions

James Bond Characters I'd Rather See Play Third Base For The Cardinals Over Pedro Feliz

Nick Nack
Honey Rider
Q

Members of Queen I’d Rather See Play Third Base For The Cardinals Over Pedro Feliz
Roger Taylor
Freddie Mercury
Spike Edney

Comic Books I’d Rather See Play Third Base For The Cardinals Over Pedro Feliz
Harvey Pekar from American Splendor
Ambush Bug
A dog-eared copy of Batman #212

jprutherford- Bud Norris could get @dgoold and @matthewhleach to stop twittering. #layup

by The Continental on Aug 20, 2010 10:06 AM CDT reply actions

Our new third baseman

Actually I lied, that’s not our new 3B, it’s David Freese—“Shot, poisoned, and electrocuted!”

Albert Pujols does not have "down" years. He has "~6 WAR" years.

by mattybobo on Aug 20, 2010 2:29 PM CDT up reply actions

Bravo, my good man.

Bravo.

Cardinals Baseball 2010: Why have only one 25th man when you can have four?

by Bring Back Tommy Herr! on Aug 20, 2010 10:58 AM CDT reply actions

Woah Woah Woah, Hit the breaks. Steve Guttenberg isn't real?

my entire life is a lie

Goodnight, Sweet Prince. Austin Wilson ~ 1992-2010

by YesWeOquendo on Aug 20, 2010 12:47 PM CDT reply actions

i don't even know how i'm going to be able to move on from this

Out of the crooked timber of humanity, no straight thing can be made

by gdm426 on Aug 21, 2010 12:51 AM CDT up reply actions

This gets a big ol' f'ing rec from me.

How is Bull not on the Night Court list? Isn’t he tall enough to play there?
Hell, I’d rather see Selma brought back to life or maybe Coach from Cheers.

You're the fail to my win?
"There is not a better feeling in the whole world than knowing that you are the best team in both leagues."- Bob Forsch on winning the 1982 World Series.

by MaytheForschbewithyou on Aug 20, 2010 1:12 PM CDT reply actions