March Madness is a disease that's tied, typically, to one common cause: The NCAA Basketball Tournament. 2011, however, offers another explanation, one that astrologically minded basketball fans (a very large niche, I'm told) might prefer: The Supermoon. Thanks to SB Nation's long arms I've managed to secure an exclusive interview with the Supermoon, who appears this morning after a night, his press agent says, of "enchanting the world with his astounding superiority." Supermoon, it's really great to have you here.â†µ
Supermoon: Great to be here, Dan. I like this name you've given my appearance, March Madness. Way better than the one the ancient Babylonians gave me, which, translated roughly, means "Disappointing Moon."
DM: It's actually—it's a term people use to refer to the NCAA Tournament. Because there's all this basketball, and it's on March, so March Madness. I was wondering what you thought about some of the big upsets we saw this week. Morehead State—â†µ
Supermoon: Oh, man, has anyone said, "More like More Head State!" yet? Because I—â†µ
DM: Yes, people have said that. Anyway, they beat Louisville. Butler beat Pitt, which is killer for a lot of brackets. VCU beat up on Georgetown. It's been bad news for the Big East.â†µ
Supermoon: Are you even allowed to call yourself "Big ____" if you're the same size every year? It's not like they called that poseur supermoon "Big Moon" last year. Let's talk about this March Madness thing a little more, though. My lawyers say I shouldn't take credit for it, exactly, but I'm all, "There's no such thing as bad publicity."â†µ
DM: They had college basketball last time you showed up, right? I'm not sure why I need to explain March Madness to you.â†µ
Supermoon: And I'm not sure why I even need to be here. I canceled the Today show for this—they were going to have me on right after the golden-voiced homeless guy! I'm, like, a hundred feet tall. I'm super bright. I only have to work once every 20 years. I don't need this interview! If we're not going to talk about the fact that I allegedly cause madness in men and hysteria in females I'm out of here.â†µ
DM: How long have you been—hysteria? Look, it was great having you. Sorry about the miscommunication.â†µ
Supermoon: Don't you know who I am? I'm the Supermoon!