Like everyone else in the country, I watched Kentucky throttle Kansas to win the 2012 NCAA Tournament Monday night for one reason: I wanted to listen to "One Shining Moment," the last unironic adult-contemporary song standing in an America where Michael Bolton is famous primarily for singing the hook in a Lonely Island song about a movie about a Disney ride. That was when my March Madness buzz was permanently harshed: The Saint Louis Billikens appear to have been shut out of OSM 2012.

I wasn't asking for much—obviously Brian Conklin and Kwamain Mitchell weren't going to make appearances, and the Billikens' only win was the distinctly unexciting 8-9 upset. But to be shut out entirely seems like one slight too many for a state that already had to deal with Missouri's ignominious exit and Kansas's near victory. Couldn't we at least have seen some gratuitous SLUperman footage? Maybe some of Rick Majerus walking around and yelling and sweating profusely?

Oh well. Enjoy it, Kentucky fans—your entire team's about to be drafted, anyway.