The London Olympics have officially reached the point where we talk about medal counts. Proceed with caution; incoming nationalism: The United States of America do not lead through Saturday! We must lead! Ryan Lochte has our only gold medal so far, a pyrrhic victory since it's going to make us spend like two months talking about Michael Phelps. Two silvers and a bronze round out America's medal total so far, putting us behind China's 4/0/2 and Italy's 2/2/1. (See a full chart hereabouts.)â†µ
Rest assured that I am sincere when I say that this will not do. The United States must win all the medals, because there's really no reason to watch the Olympics other than to cheer on people with the same cultural background as you. If they take that away from me, well, I'll just have to do without track and field on a semi-permanent basis.
I'm not worried yet: It's early in London, and there's still time for the Dream Team to roll through the basketball tournament and—wait, you're telling me that only counts as one medal? But there are like—yes, 12 of them, so—come on, man, really?â†µâ†µ