Olympic Games 2012: USA Women's Soccer Takes On North Korea In Rare Rocky-Caliber Political Dogfight

The 2012 Olympic Games, occurring so far as they do from the mid-80s heyday of capitalist-vs-communist sports and evil Soviet characters in Rocky movies, have offered the discerning USA! chanter limited opportunities to really cheer on Americans against hostile forces; such is the downside of globalization. Tuesday's women's soccer match between America and North Korea is a vintage opportunity—get your best Dolph Lundgren voice ready and read the following quotes from the KCNA, the DPRK's official news agency:

Some evil-minded foreign media asserted that the DPRK would take only one silver medal, but our sportspersons refuted such assertion with good results. The hostile forces had better try hard to get a correct understanding of the DPRK.

I mean, you're going to have to really work the Lundgren voice to get pissed off by that; the KCNA's sins are related more to not reporting the literal starvation of its citizens than being especially inflammatory in its wire stories. The USA and the DPRK square off on St. Louis-area TV at 11:15 AM, on NBC Sports.

No pressure, USA women, but if you allow North Korea to win, Kim Jong Un is going to use you as prime-cut propaganda in his continued attempts to subjugate a people who die by the thousands in prison camps or alone, starving, in their homes, is all. So good luck Tuesday!

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