Examining the Facial Hair of Cardinals Closers in the Postseason, 1982-2011

 Bruce Sutter (1982)

1982_bruce_sutter_medium

Style: Lumberjack Beard

Analysis: The godfather of both great Cardinals closers and Cardinals closers with facial hair (hit the bricks, Hrabosky), Sutter's split fingered fastball was proven to be 37% less effective when he was clean shaven. Not only was it good for helping Sutter strike out batters, he was also able to hide bags of cocaine in his beard for when Keith Hernandez went into his patented seventh inning shakes.

Result: World Series Champions

Todd Worrell (1985, 1987)

1985_-_1987_todd_worrell_medium

Style: Wispy mustache

Analysis: In the age of the mustache, sweeping wispy was king. The mustache's only downfall was distracting umpire Don Denkinger at a random play at first base in game six of the '85 World Series. It also made Tito Landrum question his sexuality, but that's a story for another day.

Result: Losses in both the '85 & '87 World Series

Dennis Eckersley (1996)

1996_dennis_eckersly_medium

Style: Porn 'Stache.

Analysis: How the hell has Eck gotten away with wearing this monstrosity of masculinity for so long? Does he and Tom Selleck have some sort of "To the Effing Grave" bet going?

Result: Lost in the NLCS.

Dave Veres (2000, 2001)

2000-2001_dave_veres_medium

Style: Clean shaven

Analysis: This mere child intimidated no major leaguer. He might as well have been sucking on a lollipop while on the mound.

Results: Lost in the 2000 NLCS, 2001 NLDS

Jason Isringhausen (2002, 2004, 2005)

2002-2005_jason_isringhausen_medium

Style: Various wispy formations, from chin only to goatee

Analysis: Never able to come into it's own identity, the various beards of Brighton were not able to keep their wearer hot enough in the cold baseball month of October.

Results: Losses in the NLCS in 2002 & 2005, Lost in the World Series in 2004

Adam Wainwright (2006)

2006_adam_wainwright_medium

Style: Full beard

Analysis: Finally, a return to beards. After eight attempts to win a championship with the likes of mustaches, goatees, and clean shaven rubes, the tall skinny rookie from Georgia grew a beard powerful enough to end the World Series striking out Brandon Inge.

Result: World Series Champions

Ryan Franklin (2009)

2009_ryan_franklin_medium

Style: Some long, terrible, disgusting chin hair.

Analysis: The Gods of Baseball can only help but to laugh at this monstrosity. Also, the GOBs really doubt that thing is hygienic.

Result: Lost in the NLDS.

Jason Motte (2011)

2011_jason_motte_medium

Style: Lumberjack Beard

Analysis: Though not officially "the closer" (whatever, T-Bone), Motte is the guy who is closing out games, and thus far doing things in grand fashion, not only in performance but in looks. Twenty nine years later, no Cardinals closer has come closer to matching the facial hair styling of the man who started it all, Hall of Famer Bruce Sutter.

Result: TBD

Trending Discussions

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join SB Nation St. Louis

You must be a member of SB Nation St. Louis to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at SB Nation St. Louis. You should read them.

Join SB Nation St. Louis

You must be a member of SB Nation St. Louis to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at SB Nation St. Louis. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.