St. Louis Cardinals Reveal To Pete Kozma That He Was Briefly On MLB Roster

The St. Louis Cardinals have chosen Saturday to announce to infielder Pete Kozma that he was briefly a member of their Major League roster, between May 18 and June 3. Kozma, who only remembered being told by a man in a melting Tony La Russa mask to stand in the on-deck circle while another manager announced which relief pitcher he would bring in, was surprised and relieved to learn that the bus on which he'd been kidnapped and blindfolded after an uneventful start at AAA Memphis was operated by the Cardinals organization and not, as he'd assumed, North Korean terrorists.

↵

Shuttled between hotels and buses by a strongman identified tentatively as Cardinals first base coach Dave McKay, Kozma nevertheless doubled in his debut and walked three times without making an error. "The first place I was in looked kind of like Busch Stadium, but I know the Dear Leader [North Korean Supreme Leader Kim Jong-il] likes spectacle. After that I just kind of assumed I was playing in some spectacular imitation of Major League Baseball. I resented being made an instrument of Juche propaganda, but I felt like I was being handled better than I have since I was drafted, to be honest." 

↵

After demoting Kozma to AAA Memphis the Cardinals announced they would be creating a new minor league level, AAAA, and promoting Kozma to it immediately, despite his .220 start in the Pacific Coast League. Clubhouse sources suggested the primary reason for the promotion was ideological impurity. 

Trending Discussions

X
Log In Sign Up

forgot?
Log In Sign Up

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior users will need to choose a permanent username, along with a new password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

I already have a Vox Media account!

Verify Vox Media account

Please login to your Vox Media account. This account will be linked to your previously existing Eater account.

Please choose a new SB Nation username and password

As part of the new SB Nation launch, prior MT authors will need to choose a new username and password.

Your username will be used to login to SB Nation going forward.

Forgot password?

We'll email you a reset link.

If you signed up using a 3rd party account like Facebook or Twitter, please login with it instead.

Forgot password?

Try another email?

Almost done,

By becoming a registered user, you are also agreeing to our Terms and confirming that you have read our Privacy Policy.

Join SB Nation St. Louis

You must be a member of SB Nation St. Louis to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at SB Nation St. Louis. You should read them.

Join SB Nation St. Louis

You must be a member of SB Nation St. Louis to participate.

We have our own Community Guidelines at SB Nation St. Louis. You should read them.

Spinner.vc97ec6e

Authenticating

Great!

Choose an available username to complete sign up.

In order to provide our users with a better overall experience, we ask for more information from Facebook when using it to login so that we can learn more about our audience and provide you with the best possible experience. We do not store specific user data and the sharing of it is not required to login with Facebook.