As a St. Louis Cardinals fan I am at least ostensibly hoping that Kyle Lohse the Cardinals shut out the Miami Marlins Wednesday night, when they open the continental baseball season Wednesday night. Except—I finally saw a video of the Marlins' home run feature from the field, and it is the most ridiculous, beautiful, garish statue I have ever seen.

In case you're wondering, this is what the death rattle of the obnoxious, seemingly indestructible retro stadium movement looks like. This, and the fishtanks behind home plate, and the white-and-glass billion-dollar-temporary-gazebo look of the whole thing.

It's ridiculous, and it's in bad taste, but at least it doesn't look like some mall designer's idea of the 1930s. If it took a 60-foot-tall animatronic dolphin display to kill Camden Yards dead—well, it was worth it. I only wish it had happened in time to save the Cardinals from the intensely boring look of new Busch Stadium.

Oh well—30 years from now they'll build a retro-cookie-cutter stadium for Busch IV, anyway.