Breaking Down Barret Browning's All-Star Night


Last night was baseball's most glamorous night! The Mid-Summer Classic! The All-Star Game! Red carpet, massive parties, supermodels... Just one non-stop night of action! It's all there for the taking!

For the players who were invited.

For the rest of the league, it can be a night of frustration, desperation, danger, and no GOD DAMN RIBEYES.

Take Cardinals reliever Barret Browning for example.

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Looks like Barret decided to stick around Saint Louis for the All-Star break! What a good civic-minded individual! Hopefully his twitter followers have some good advice for him!

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Oh no, he went to Lumière Place. Let's just say it's nothing like the commercials. And they were out of ribeye? That's weak shit, Stadium Sports Bar and Grill. WEAK SHIT.

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This tweet is only missing a Chrysler Seabring and a "Sick of this." to be a perfect @DadBoner tweet.

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oh god. I'm a little nervous how this will end.

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Oh, good! He found the game and was not murdered by a stranger on the Internet. Now he can watch his teammates play in the All-Star game while he sits alone in a downtown Saint Louis hotel room, with greasy chicken wing fingers and we can only assume a tall boy of Stag.

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And a new favorite song!

YAY!

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