America is down, but not out. All we truly need to be number one again is for an American hero to bodyslam an obese Japanese man.
In 1993, for reasons we still can't fathom, the WWF decided Americans should hate the Japanese. They set up a contest on the deck of an aircraft carrier to have various strong men attempt to bodyslam noted fat wrestler Yokozuna. The winner would get a new truck. It almost made sense at the time, but now is as nonsensical as this guy's outfit.
We provide that opening paragraph for context in case not everyone reading this was obsessed with the wheelings and dealings of Bobby "The Brain" Heenan as a child, and was wondering why in the world Legos are trying to bodyslam each other on an aircraft carrier in what appears to be somebody's back yard. Also, we do not hate the Japanese, we swear. Sushi is delicious.
For more episodes of Legopiece Theater: Dugout Abbey, stay tuned to SB Nation St. Louis. Click here for a not-quite-complete listing of Dugout Abbey episodes.