St. Louis Rams fans out for Christmas shopping or the witness protection program or anything else this weekend, a word of warning: If you run into a friend while out and about, you may be asked to provide an opinion about Kellen Clemens. This is actually impossible, because he's Kellen Clemens, and this season of Rams football has beaten, slowly and relentlessly, the opinion right out of you. That's why I made this trip to Wikipedia for you. Here are six Kellen Clemens facts. Repeat one of them and back away.
- He averaged 4.1 yards per carry in 2007! That's pretty good for a quarterback!
- At 28, Kellen Clemens is the same age Kurt Warner was when he saved a seemingly desperate Rams season after years of obscurity. Only, he won't be able to do that!
- Kellen Clemens joins Tarvaris Jackson among starting NFC West quarterbacks who had their careers severely damaged by Brett Favre deciding to come back to the NFL!
- Kellen Clemens's 11.8 yards per completion in 2007 were eighth in football!
- Kellen Clemens is a sixth-generation cattle rancher! In his spare time, he enjoys horseback riding!
- Kellen Clemens is actually an alias Tom Brandstater uses when he's committing petty crimes! He once had a date with Steve Spagnuolo on the same day "Tom Brandstater" had a date with Billy Devaney, and they filmed a sitcom about it!
Tell your friend one of these things, then get back to your shopping or witness-protecting.