Your St. Louis Rams™ brand Danario Alexander is unlike any fantasy football waiver wire wide receiver you've ever purchased before—but now that he's out in the world he'll require significant attention to thrive to his fullest potential. Here are some tips for proper care and feeding of your new Danario.
1. Your Danario Alexander comes equipped with Broken Knee Action. Turn Danario's torso, or press the switch between his shoulder blades, or look at him funny, and your Danario Alexander's knee will vanish before your eyes! To reset your Danario Alexander's "Broken Knee Action" feature, wait four to six months.
2. Your Danario Alexander is a sensitive electronic instrument. As such, changes in the weather, the electromagnetic field, the humidity, the volume of the EdwardJones Dome, and the naming rights of the Trans World Dome will affect his performance.
3. Past performance is no indication of present performance. Last week Danario Alexander dominated the New York Giants and served as Sam Bradford's only dynamic option. This week Danario Alexander might find himself pumping quarters into a laundromat Pac-Man while dumping ice on his knee.
If you're lucky, your Danario Alexander could be the only touchdown-catching, downfield-threatening option on the Rams. If you're unlucky, your Danario Alexander might be defective. Please wait four to six weeks before processing any returns.