Mike Martz Retires From Coaching; Wide Receiver Still Moving Suspiciously Downfield

Mike Martz, perhaps the central behind-the-scenes figure in St. Louis Rams history, is reportedly retiring from coaching following his departure from the Chicago Bears. I have no doubt that Martz, who after building one of the most terrifying offenses in the history of the sport found himself increasingly marginalized in an NFL that had taken most of his lessons to heart, is tired, but I learned a long time ago not to trust anything the guy appears to be doing.

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He's just cried mad scientist too many times. Don't get me wrong: Mike Martz may even think he's retired. But sometime in the long offseason Az-Zahir Hakim is going to call him up and say he's in the best shape of his life, and J.T. O'Sullivan is going to give him the idea for a great play in which Martz himself is somehow declared an eligible receiver, and he'll find himself running the greatest Arena Football offense ever constructed.

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So Martz may think of this as a retirement, but me? While I wait for a brand of football I can enjoy as much as I did those Martz/Warner/Faulk teams, I'll assume it's nothing more than an expertly faked timeout.

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