Informal survey time: The St. Louis Rams' new secondary, starring Cortland Finnegan and Janoris Jenkins, is just about to face its first-ever regular-season challenge, and it's Calvin Johnson, which is kind of like being forced to start your game of Mortal Kombat against Shang Tsung. So--what will Johnson and Matthew Stafford combine to do against the Rams in Week 1 of Jeff Fisher's brave new world of professionalism and competence? I have four options for you.
1. <50 yards, no touchdowns. A statue of Cortland Finnegan is erected atop the Edward Jones Dome. St. Louis adopts Janoris Jenkins' kids as its own.
2. <75 yards, a touchdown. A moral victory. This is Calvin Johnson, and he only found the end zone once! Cortland Finnegan jerseys briefly outsell Greg Zuerlein jerseys on NFL.com.
3. >100 yards, >=one touchdown. Well, he's Calvin Johnson. Things could be much worse, and the Rams could still win, after all.
4. >150 yards, >=two touchdowns. Janoris Jenkins's kids by Calvin Johnson jerseys. The Rams' secondary waits until somebody not named Matthew Stafford is throwing the football to have its big breakout game.
What will Calvin Johnson do vs. the St. Louis Rams?
Nothing much (3 votes)
A below-average performance (10 votes)
A Calvin Johnson performance (7 votes)
A Megatron performance (19 votes)
39 total votes