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Colby Rasmus, Ostensible Slap Hitter

Colby Rasmus and Tony La Russa don't have an especially promising history together, but they appear to have come to an agreement that doesn't involve trades and still manages to piss off St. Louis Cardinals fans everywhere. According to Tony Rasmus—admittedly a less than partial and less than reliable observer—they're making him into a slap hitter. Son of a—

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Dad Rasmus, who's been known to say strange things in previous comments-section encounters, drops flat-affect comparisons to Jon Jay, Skip Schumaker, and David Eckstein over the course of the piece, saying he "hit 500 balls and 400 of them were ground balls to the left side... he was running out of the box when he was making contact. Ichiro like."

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I'm skeptical as to the possibility to changing approaches so dramatically and the likelihood that it's actually happening, and would be stunned if Rasmus, as Mr. Rasmus suggests, hits fewer than 10 home runs this season. But I saw in the comments section of the originating article people who are in favor of this approach, and that astounding opinion is the one thing I'd like to correct in this matter.

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Last year National League hitters as a whole hit .725/.721/.975 on line drives. They hit .219/.214/.584 on fly balls. They hit .236/.236/.256 on ground balls. Ground balls are the ones you don't want to hit; not everybody can be Ichiro, or else everybody would be, because he's awesome. Some players, like Colby Rasmus, are doomed to muddle along hitting a lot of home runs and drawing walks to get on base.