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Sam Bradford Negotiations: Suggestions For A More Enjoyable Contract Experience

So I've been watching the Sam Bradford contract talks not-unfold for a few days now, and I'm worried that the Rams and Bradford's agents have not been nearly concerned enough about making his contract decision into a horrible, city-paralyzing spectacle.

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That, apparently, is where I come in! Some suggestions:

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Sam Bradford signing a rookie deal with the Rams is not going to get an hour-long special on ESPN. I know—I just checked, and I got the same recorded spiel about ESPN's hours, customer service, never calling here again, etc. But you've seen what FOX Sports Midwest airs during the day (and Cardinals rain delays): Old Strongman competitions, video clip packages designed around the fact that they bought that "The band is on the field!" clip 20 years ago and would like to use it as much as possible, the episode of Sports Science where they ask if it's possible to run to first base after you spin around a bat with your nose a little bit.

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They're starved for live programming, and my solution would be to film either the ongoing contract negotiations or the waiting room outside the ongoing contract negotiations, so as to catch Tom Condon while he's getting a Coke from the vending machine. On the waiting room TV? Sports Science: Is The Band On The Field?

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An ongoing studio show about the Sam Bradford contract, as hosted by A.J. Feeley and Keith Null. "A.J., what have your sources told you about Sam Bradford's position in these talks?" "I hear he told a crowd at a WWE match that he thinks St. Louis is full of hicks, and struck Stan Musial with a steel chair! I, for one, don't care what happens in these negotiations. Now, back to Sports Science."

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An ongoing studio show about whether Brett Favre is going to come back or not. Look, just because FOX Sports Midwest is a regional network doesn't mean they're not ratings sensitive. Sports Science: Can Anyone Have More Fun Out There Than Brett Favre? should have given us the hint. (Answer: No, they cannot.)