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The Misadventures Of Kyle Lohse And His Many Dirtbikes

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SB Nation sources have confirmed the true story of Kyle Lohse's mysterious forearm injury. He decided to tell it to someone who draws like a fifth grader.

Kyle Lohse's perma-grin was diagnosed shortly after John Mozeliak handed him 41 freaking million dollars.
Kyle Lohse's perma-grin was diagnosed shortly after John Mozeliak handed him 41 freaking million dollars.

To set the scene, the year is 2008, and Kyle Lohse just pitched pretty well for the Cardinals while on a very team-friendly one year contract. Lohse actually missed his last start of the season because General Manager John Mozeliak was in such a rush to sign him to a four year, $41 million contract. I shit you not, that actually happened.

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After the initial shock of being awarded a $41M contract for one good season, Lohse ponders the best ways to spend his new found gains.

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After injuring his forearm riding one of his many dirtbikes, Lohse decided not to inform the Cardinals, instead conspiring with fellow gearhead and rad dude Ron Mahay to make Lohse's injury appear baseball related.

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Lohse tells the team his arm hurts, but does not disclose the fact that it hurt exactly as it would if he were some weird European motocross rider who rode a few too many dirtbikes.

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Following an injury plagued 2009, the Cardinal front office was certain that Lohse's injuries were behind him and that he would be the rotation rock they were paying him to be.

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After the injury shockingly pops back up in 2010, Lohse finally admits to being addicted to dirtbikes and receives the proper help he is desperately in need of. This weekend will be Lohse's second rehab start in Memphis since a "successful" surgery. Let us go to the KSDK studios, where Rene Knott is hosting a very special episode of "Cardinals Nation: Wings of Hope."

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And you know where this is going...

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