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Closer Problems?

Say, friend. I couldn't help but notice you looking at those closers we have at the front of the lot. Mariano Rivera, Francisco Rodriguez—mostly imports, it looks like. They're nice, aren't they? 

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"Oh, no—we're just here for some routine service. Our old Franklin's been pretty reliable this year, and the budget's kind of tight." 

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Oh, of course. The recession's been hard on all of us. But I've got some gently used models in the back that you might like. There's Antonio Alfonseca here—he's lost a finger or two, you can see, but he'll still get you from point A to point B. Some gently used Todd Joneses, nice commuter closers. Over here we've got a Jason Isringhausen that's seen some better days...

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"Hey—what about that white one there?"

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I knew you had good taste. I knew it the moment I saw you drive up. That, there, is a genuine Mike MacDougal. 70 career saves—that's the 188th most in history! Mac The Ninth. Hundred mile an hour fastball, a slider like you wouldn't believe. Gets great groundballs. The ultimate midseason crisis closer. Let me just talk to my finance guy, I think we can get you preapproved. 

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"You know... you're right. These last few days have been awful, and I could use a change of pace."

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(One day later, John Mozeliak discovers a strange charge on Bill DeWitt's credit card bill.)

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