clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Thoughts Alex Fritz Had About Thoughts St. Louis Cardinals Have Had

New, 5 comments

If you wanted an organized Internet posting, you came to the wrong place. Some 30-year-old jerk stayed up all night, watching sports, drinking booze, and thinking. Here we are — a series of things.

If, at the beginning of the season, someone would have told you that:

  • Brad Penny only lasts nine starts;
  • Kyle Lohse still sucks;
  • Colby Rasmus officially enters J.D. Drew talented-but-injured territory;
  • David Freese only plays in 70 games;
  • Brendan Ryan, Skip Schumaker, and Felipe Lopez all suck offensively;
  • We gained the following players throughout the season: Jeff Suppan, Randy Winn, Aaron Miles, Pedro Feliz and Mike MacDougal;
  • And were still in position to surge and make it into the postseason ... you'd have taken that.

    So, yeah, the Cardinals don't really suck, but we still have no reason to think they're a postseason-worthy team ... but they still could be. So, you know, there's hope. I guess.


    What Terry Pendleton's Video Game Character Thought In RBI Baseball

    Why am I white? And why isn't my ass enormous?


    Is Al a little less hard on Dan since Dan's *ahem* incident? Like, maybe someone was an enabler for someone's problems and they know it? Need to make amends, no?


    Sam Bradford looked damn good Thursday night. No, not his passing -- his skin. Is his face made of a baby's ass?


    The Train of Thought Of The "Six Is A Serious Number" Guy While Recording His Song

    "My momma told me 'one day you'd understand'"

    My mother had some wisdom to impart upon me, which one day I would understand

    "'It takes more than five runs to be a man'"

    My mother drank a lot. That makes no sense.


    I'm a Cardinals fan because I was born a crack baby.

    "I've got a quarter in my pocket"

    I stole 25 cents from a homeless guy downtown.

    "And it's time to get 'er done"

    People have been saying this for five years now and I still don't know what it means, besides, our culture is in decline.

    "I'm gonna hoot and holler 'til we get six runs"

    I'm a freaking idiot. WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

    "Cause, six, six, six, six, six is a serious number."

    I hate myself and wish I was dead.


    What Felipe Lopez Once Thought

    I should get a tattoo on my neck. That will always look good.


    The Cardinals Have Perhaps A Triple Crown Winner And MVP, A Cy Young Winner, And A Rookie Of The Year Award Winner. How Are They Not Running Away With The Division?

    It's not that they're not talented ... they're just not that good. It's like a cow that is one-third kobe beef and two-thirds poop. 

    We know that we are better than this, yet we know that we're not. 

    We are an 87-win team. Not bad, just not worthy of a postseason birth. They'll give us hope, but, in the end, we are following a bad team.

    Better than following the Cubs, though!


    Drop off your list of crap below.