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Kurt Warner Dancing With The Stars, Or I Guess Dancing As A Star

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Yesterday, 20 million people watched Dancing with the Stars, and I, to Kurt Warner's probably endless chagrin, was not among them. It's just as well—I'm not prepared to adopt the snarky, knowing tone required to comment on reality TV-related news. 

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What did the snarky, knowing tone-purveyors think of the former St. Louis Ram's performance? Television Without Pity was surprisingly pity-filled—

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They are doing the Viennese waltz, which is tough for dudes, because it requires a lot of grace. Kurt is not incredibly graceful, and early on he gets ahead of the beat, but that's probably due to nerves. He's better than I thought he would be. His turns are really good, his posture is great, and he's light on his feet (unsurprisingly). He needs to work on his pancake hands and I'm not sure how he will do with a dance that requires a stronger sense of rhythm, but a lot of the athletes improve week-to-week because they're so used to rehearsing and practicing hard. So he could end up making the second half of the show.

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Having watched the man try to hold on to the football for several years, I can assure you: Kurt Warner's pancake hands are not going to improve week-to-week. I don't know what the Dancing with the Stars equivalent of the 450 yards passing/four touchdowns/three fumbles performance is, but I expect him to achieve it at least once.