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A Conversation With Frank Haith, Written Almost Entirely By Titles of Songs Teenagers Used to Make Out To Ten Years Ago

Listen Frank Haith, I Wanna Know what hapened while you were coaching at the University of Miami.  Take a look at your schedule (Save Tonight; I have dinner plans)  and Come and Talk to Me. We need to be in depth on this. Don't Waste my time. I Don't Wanna Miss A Thing on this whole investigation. Did you go to strip clubs and give your players Sex and Candy? In All My Life, I Swear I have never heard of a coach letting strippers tell his players Kiss Me, yet here we are. 


I know what they say... Mo Money Mo Problems and it's your right to Don't Speak but I hope you break through your Wonderwall of silence and tell us the truth. If you were paying those kids, we'll understand. We don't want No Scrubs, either. But if that was the case, we have to part ways. Be assured, My Heart Will Go On and I can Be Without You.


If the rumors are true, Mike Alden may believe You're Still The One, but you have to go. I'll Be Missing You, and this decision is Killing Me Softly, but I Believe this is the right decision.


Also... Ummm.... Glycerine.