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Peyton Manning Signs With Broncos, Nation Urged To Avoid ESPN

Longtime Colts quarterback and person recovering from multiple drastic neck surgeries Peyton Manning has agreed to a deal with the Denver Broncos, reports, like, everyone on twitter.

In response to this news, FEMA has released the following statement:

We strongly urge all Americans to avoid ESPN as well as any media outlet featuring Skip Bayless for the next 48 hours. Prolonged exposure to Bayless and his incessant ranting about trading Tim Tebow will lead to serious health risks, including certain death.

Godspeed, America.


"I think playing for the Denver Broncos is pretty good."

"yeah, yeah..."

"Well explain to me how it isn't."

"You just don't understand football, Marge."

Editor's note: For more Peyton Manning coverage, follow SB Nation's Peyton Manning storystream or pretty much just look out a window, turn on a TV, read most books, listen to any podcast recorded in the last two months—someone will have updated it—or shout, "Who did Peyton Manning sign with? And what's your Tim Tebow joke?" in any unoccupied room.