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2022 World Cup Host Announcement Goes To... Qatar?

Just a few minutes ago we in the United States of America learned that we wouldn't have to give our full attention to pretending to like soccer come the 2022 World Cup: the host country was just announced, and the official word is that Qatar will be home to a stadium large enough to hold all of its citizens 12 years from now. To the American host city candidates—Atlanta, Baltimore, Boston, Dallas, Denver, Houston, Indianapolis, Kansas City, Los Angeles, Miami, Nashville, New York City, Philadelphia, Phoenix, San Diego, Seattle, Tampa, and Washington, D.C.—I'd just like to say that, now that you've lost, we're all in this together.

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If the US had won the bid... well, that's another thing entirely. I don't think any self-respecting St. Louis sports fan could go without running Kansas City down while it attempts to show off on the world stage. And Tampa? Don't even get me started. They'll certainly have plenty of room in Tropicana Field after the Rays sneak off without leaving a note in the fourth inning of a quiet game in August 2017.

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But now I can run down Qatar instead. Hey, guys—I just found this u lying on the ground, did you drop it? Hey, guys—Maybe Doha would be more important as a regional cultural center if you guys didn't have such severe conservation problems! Hey, guys—I hear you just got asked to join the United Arab mehmirates!

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If you need me, I'll be at the laundromat, starting a U-S-A chant.