clock menu more-arrow no yes mobile

Filed under:

Santa Tracker: Santa Glaus Spotted Injuring Self Over St. Louis

New, 1 comment

NORAD's Santa Tracker, famous for tracking Santa Claus's progress through gentile neighborhoods across America, spotted something strange as it scanned the skies of St. Louis Christmas morning. Troy "Santa" Glaus, the Cardinals' snakebitten starting former third baseman, was spotted tearing his hamstring on the roof of the Freese household Saturday morning around 2 AM. 


Glaus, who appeared in 14 games in the 2009 season and famously disappeared from the injury reports in the latter half of that season before reappearing just as suddenly in September, was apprehended by sleigh-drawn police officers in the early morning hours, reportedly brandishing a dumbbell and rolling exasperatedly near a chimney. 


David Freese, who could not be reached for comment following a near-miss accident at a St. Louis Blues hockey game, reported to police that he didn't specifically remember seeing Troy Glaus following the 2009 season, but that, now that they mentioned it, an apparition fitting his general description had been around at the time of his car accident, and his shortened rehab start, and his ill-fated trip to the weight room. Freese's lawyers tell reporters that the third baseman believed the apparition to be a "very tall, very slow ghost." 


Glaus, who damaged his vocal cords in a verbal struggle with police, released a statement labeling David Freese and all other healthy third basemen as "naughty."