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Adam Wainwright's Last Start In Doubt, St. Louis Cardinals Cursed Forever

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I'd like to adopt the Good news-bad news construction RE: the news that Adam Wainwright could miss his next start with elbow stiffness. Fans of the endangered 2010 permutation of the St. Louis Cardinals should be familiar, right now, with the basics.

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Good news: Adam Wainwright could miss this start not because his elbow is hanging by a Mulder, or because he hurt his elbow trying to make up for how he couldn't feel his shoulder anymore—he could miss it because he slept wrong. That's not quite as cool as Joel Zumaya's Guitar Hero injury, or Lionel Simmons's Game Boy repetitive-stress problem (I empathize, L-Train—that part in Super Mario Land where you're in the submarine requires its fair share of button-mashing). But it's fundamentally unserious, and given how bad elbow and shoulder injuries can be I'm grateful for that.

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Bad news: The St. Louis Cardinals are clearly cursed, and maybe forever. Every last effective player, not that that list was particularly long to begin with, appears to be losing their last few games of the season to some nagging and insignificant injury. The team is being broken down to its component atoms. It's like the Gods of Baseball decided to show us, with the rest of an otherwise-unedifying season, just how capricious they could be.

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I get it, guys. You can go back to tormenting the Cubs now.