The most popular Saint Louis Cardinals players, coaches, and front office members assemble for a press conference to take questions from their biggest fans.
Good afternoon from the Saint Louis Hyatt Regency—this is Al Hrabosky for Fox Sports Midwest reporting live as we get ready for the this Question-and-Answer interaction with the Saint Louis Cardinals and their fans. Lets start it out with this eager young man!
Mr Mozeliak, what are your feelings about Kyle Lohse heading into spring training?
My main feeling is anger, with a touch of sorrow. Ignorance. Regret. Is duped a feeling? God, I'm so insecure. Why? I don't blame you, Kyle...but why? Why did you bring this up? Look what you did you little jerk!
Okay... next question... yes, you sir...
Mo, Have you considered Sam Bradford to back up David Freese at third base?
No, but if he's willing to come down, we can take a look at his skills at second base. Anyone can play there.
What the hell, Mo?
Quiet before I replace you with that effeminate kid from earlier.
Okay, yes, you sir!
Mister La Russa, who would be the ideal leadoff candidate for this year's team?
Tony La Russa:
You look pretty gritty. How do you feel about spreadsheets?
Never heard of them, sir.
Sir! That's what Eckstein used to call me! I guess you'll be leading off for us! Mo... Sign him up!
Do it, Assbag. You know who I am.
Fine. Random farmer, you take Miles' spot.
Oh he's more than that. He's like Miles, Suppan, Winn, and Feliz combined.
So the first time I contemplate suicide is at a press conference in front of a few hundred Cardinals fans. This is just where I saw my life going.
Okay... that got dark, real fast... our... um... next question, yes, you sir...
(Al Hrabosky disappears behind a column; this man appears on the other side.)
Hi, I was hoping Colby Rasmus could address how he hopes to cut down on his strikeout total this season.
What about how much of a jerk you are?
Yes. I'm sorry. Next question!
I have a question for Chris Carpenter... does this dress make me look fat?
THE [BEEP]-ING [BEEP] [BEEP] PAGER ON YOUR [BEEP] DRESS MAKES YOU LOOK LIKE A [BEEP] [BEEP] IDIOT. BUT, NO, YOU DO NOT LOOK [BEEP}-ING FAT.
And with that, we throw it up to Jimmy "The Cat" Hayes with another round of "Cat Fight!"