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Albert Pujols Is Not Allowed To Go Anywhere Anymore, Let Alone Miami

Bearing in mind that he is supposed to be a member of the St. Louis Cardinals forever, and considering the emotional distress it will cause, and pursuant to the fact that he is totally making me cry when he meets with and is given preliminary contract offers from the Miami Marlins, Albert Pujols is hereby officially banned from visiting Florida or any other state in this particular time period, hereafter the offseason.

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Actually—no other city, while I'm at it. The Kansas City Royals don't seem to have made an offer yet, but I don't want any loopholes or technicalities in this otherwise-binding blog entry.

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Pujols's travels aren't yet anything to be concerned about, as a Cardinals fan, but I've been amazed at just how much angst I felt when it came time for him to finally visit the other suitors we've worried about for almost a year now. I should be used to this—we've known it was coming since February. But now it's killing me like it caught me off guard.