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Albert Pujols Contract: Deadline Passes, Restaurant Holds Sale On Confetti And Streamers

With Albert Pujols’s deadline for contract talks having been fruitless, according to multiple reports, the news that “Pujols 5”, the slugger’s eponymous restaurant, had "champagne on ice, balloons and banners at the ready, and the intent to throw a party" has to be pretty rough on any and all St. Louis Cardinals fans who work there.

Some unconfirmed specials for this afternoon—warm champagne; free balloons; banners that say “CON########### ALBERT PUJOLS”, if you’re willing to use the magic marker yourself. they’ve got a great deal for six sadness burgers on the menu, but they’re reluctant to extend it to seven or eight. I’ve been unable to confirm the speculation that Jim Edmonds’s restaurant was preparing for a party all about his attempt to pass a minor league physical.

But the real news in all this is that Albert Pujols has his own restaurant. I was crushed, as a child, when Michael Jordan’s Restaurant closed down soon after my first and only opportunity to go, so I don’t know if I’m ready to be hurt again. For sale: El Hombre plinth, never used.