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Albert Pujols Countdown Reaches Albertageddon

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The Albert Pujols Countdown, brainchild of JoeSportsFan themselves, has officially counted down ahead of the official end of negotiations with the St. Louis Cardinals. The end result is—well, it's appropriate in an "accurately represents St. Louis's immediate reaction" sense, but not in an SFW sense. And it makes yet another use of Albert Pujols's incredibly Photoshop-versatile defensive stance.

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I don't want to be the one to remind you that Albert Pujols is still under contract to play for the Cardinals this year, but if you haven't yet internalized that fact their Premature Albert Pujols Remembrance Melodrama, starring the most melodramatic Canadian in music history, some embarrassing memorabilia, and Bernie Miklasz. It's guaranteed to make anybody the next cubicle over think that Albert Pujols has died.

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If you're looking for anybody to blame on this breakdown in negotiations I don't think I know what to tell you; the Cardinals made a good-faith offer, and Pujols and Lozano are holding out for more. But I wouldn't say no if you wanted to blame the guy in that video with a PUJOLS 69 jersey. Nobody wants A.J. to see that.