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Albert Pujols Good News, Albert Pujols Bad News

With Albert Pujols and the St. Louis Cardinals not negotiating a contract extension prior to today's deadline we can be sure of one thing: Both sides have the hope that they'll be in a superior negotiating position come October, when they'll be in a position to negotiate again. So it's important to think about each side's best- and worst-case scenarios.

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At Viva El Birdos, which is doing just fine, thank you very much, we're doing just that. But here are some other potential problems that could arise for each side of the contract that wasn't:

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For the Cardinals: Albert Pujols reveals that he was going to use the extra money to throw an awesome surprise party for John Mozeliak at Six Flags, but he just didn't want to tell John because he knew he'd say no, but now he can't do it even though everybody was already really excited about riding American Thunder, which is totally great. Pujols proceeds to hit .400 and win the Triple Crown and, upon winning the World Series as a Cardinal, signs a deal with the Yankees that has a limited no-hang-out clause. 

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For Albert Pujols: Deadspin leaks evidence that Pujols is really 31, but is also really a vampire, which means, relatively speaking, that he's in violation of several child-labor laws. Pujols proceeds to hit .400 and win the Triple Crown and, upon winning the World Series, gets totally snubbed by Kyle Lohse for a second, whereupon he realizes that his pursuit of those last two years has driven him apart from his team.

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For Viva El Birdos: Albert Pujols doesn't hit .400 or win the Triple Crown, the Cardinals don't win the World Series, and nobody rides American Thunder with me, even though I promise it's super smooth for a wooden roller coaster.

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