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Albert Pujols Contract Talks Inspire Terrifying Countdown

Albert Pujols's contract negotiations appear to finally be back in motion—if you believe Joe Strauss in a recent chat, after a two week layoff—and just in time for the Pujols meme to gather steam. The latest manifestation of our utter terror: The Albert Pujols Countdown, which ticks off the days, hours, minutes, and seconds until pitchers and catchers report to Spring Training and Pujols cuts off negotiations. A pitchers and catchers countdown is usually so much less existential than this...

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I've got to say, I admire the design work of the anonymous nightmare factory that made this real. In front of a too-detailed photo of Albert Pujols himself there's the ticker, represented by the blinking words TICK TOCK MANG. With two weeks to go, you have plenty of time to deal with the way the best player in baseball's eyes follow you around the room. Honestly, if John Mozeliak had to stare at this picture all day a deal would be done already—10 years, $500 million, and whatever was in Mozeliak's wallet when the agreement was abruptly reached.

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Dear Bill DeWitt: Please top the tick-tocking post-haste. I can't bring myself to close this tab.