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April Fools Day Pranks: Be Colby Rasmus's Dad

On Wednesday we showed you how to hit your coworkers with a great April Fools Day prank with nothing more than a twin brother, a seriously misanthropic worldview, a rock-bottom life, a celebrity boxing gig, and an angry Twitter account. Today we've got a prank that's even easier to pull off, courtesy of Colby Rasmus's father, Tony. Here's what you'll need to do.

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1. Have a supremely talented, emotionally unavailable son. It took Tony two Major League-caliber sons with C-names before he could be sure he had Colby for this prank; you may be find it more or less difficult.

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2. Mold him into a home run champion with extreme emotional and physical control. Tony describes his coaching style in the article as such (I'm paraphrasing): Colby wasn't allowed to do anything except get really good at baseball, which Tony thinks he may or may not be. Given Tony Rasmus's propensity for—joking around, he'd call it, it seems like it'd be tough to tell at a given moment what he's actually feeling. If you're having trouble with your supremely talented, emotionally unavailable son, give that smoldering unpredictability a try.

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3. Make sure he's coached by a manager with a complex relationship toward rookies and power hitters and tall people. If you're in St. Louis you can stay local.

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4. Do an interview with a Cardinals blog in which you pretend that the team, led by its complex (and smolderingly unpredictable!) manager, wants to turn your supremely talented, emotionally unavailable son into a supremely talented, emotionally unavailable slap hitter. Just imagine the look on your son's fans' faces when they think that he's spent the entire offseason in Jupiter, aiming balls between a papier mache pitcher's legs. April Fools! You'll say. And nobody will ever love you again.

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