As Passover begins Monday at sunset it's important to remember the tenth plague of St. Louis Cardinals baseball: This is what the Lord says: 'About midnight I will go throughout St. Louis. Every firstborn relief pitcher in St. Louis will suck, from the firstborn converted catcher to the firstborn left-hander, who is at his left-handed hand mill, and all the firstborn of the goat-bearded as well. There will be loud wailing throughout St. Louis-worse than there has ever been or ever will be again, or at least since Ryan Franklin replaced Jason Isringhausen and that was really terrible, also.'â†µ
Ryan Franklin is in a bad position. For one thing, he's been foisted into more super-high-leverage situations than he was all last season, despite not pitching well at all. For another, he had to throw to Matt Kemp, who's trying to break Levi Meyerle's single-season batting average record of .492. For another, the firstborn reliever is about to be sacrificed in every household in St. Louis, and Ryan Franklin is old.â†µ
Sources report that he's had trouble convincing Mike Lamb that his blood is really necessary, or that the gods of baseball celebrate Passover, but if he can't manage to get this done by sundown the angel of the gods of baseball is going to make things difficult for him. It's not his fault Eduardo Sanchez is like five years old.