When I read the New York Times's article on Bartolo Colon's newly stem-celled shoulder I was struck, immediately and permanently, by two competing forces. One: This could be a baseball-changing procedure. If the shoulder injury is solved for good, the first rounds of Major League Baseball drafts would instantaneously become 50% less depressing. (The other 50% is devoted mostly to that time during the MLB Draft where you say, hey, remember Matt Harrington?) Two: I can't believe how much this news article is reminding me of the greatest TV doctor since Hollywood Upstairs Medical College was closed down—Dr. Leo Spaceman, of 30 Rock.â†µ
I don't mean to besmirch the actual treatment itself, because I have no way of knowing whether it needs to be besmirched or not. But it's made me realize that any sufficiently revolutionary medical technique is indistinguishable from quackery. Oh, a pitcher hurt his elbow? Just throw any old tendon in there.â†µ
Humans need more animal blood! It keeps the shoulder straight!