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Albert Pujols Is Hitting Well In June, He Said, Eyeing The Monkey's Paw

Look: You didn't hear it from me, so don't go telling the St. Louis Cardinals you heard it from me, all right? And that shadowy guy down by the corner who sounds a little like Rod Serling, he didn't have anything to do with it. It's just that Albert Pujols is hitting .357/.455/.964 in June. Yeah, five home runs—twice as many and one more as he hit in June. And two doubles, which is one more than he hit in April. So—things are looking up, okay? Don't make a federal case out of it. 

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I don't know what that paw's doing here, all right? I didn't make any wishes cloaked in dramatic irony, you can be sure of that. I didn't buy it from any wild-eyed gypsy or steal it from a poor and broken millionaire and you can be sure I didn't say anything about Albert Pujols. So just, uh, enjoy the streak. Because I'm not going to be making any good or bad forecasts based on it, and isn't nobody going to get caught up in machinery and killed to win me £200. Poor, poor Vince Coleman. 

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