Ozzie Guillen apologized today for his comments about Fidel Castro—I believe his exact words were, "He might have killed a bunch of political enemies, but he always made the trains run on time. Is this on? I want people to hear this. Ozzie-truth."—but his press conference ran a little long, and a few paragraphs had to be cut for time. Here's the rest of the story, as uncovered by SB Nation St. Louis.
↵1. Apology to St. Louis Cardinals "for that whole Pujols thing." From the bottom of my heart, I apologize to Cardinals fans for that whole Pujols thing. I wasn't trying to sign him away from you, I was just telling his agent, "Man, I can't believe somebody who's hit so many home runs is still available, maybe for like, a 10-year base contract with incentives for historical records and a mutual option at the end. I will do everything in my power to make it better, up to and including trading the Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim some prospects of their choice and Gaby Sanchez in exchange for the rights to Albert Pujols, who we would then keep at our ballpark for Cardinals fans to visit whenever."
↵2. Apology to on-base percentage "just for everything we've done to each other." It's been a bumpy road, you and me. We've hurt each other more times than I'd care to name. I'm sorry for acting like you didn't exist, and I apologize for ignoring you when I set my lineup. I'd like to make this right by continuing to pretend you don't exist, but referring to you by "on-base percentage" instead of "base-clogging nerd-erage."
↵3. Apology to Twitter. the ole skipper here. is been good run you and i, Tweeter. / we go thru best an the worste together. / maybe i trende justine beber in exchang for all the hurt i causing you.
↵4. Apology to Fidel Castro. I'm pretty sure people had forgotten how much you sucked until I brought you up again, Comrade, and for that I apologize from the bottom of my heart. Please accept these clean, neatly pressed tracksuits as a token of how much I love you.
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