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Super Bowl Commercials: Doritos, Cute Things, And Physical Pain

Enclosed, for your consideration, are Doritos's 2012 entrants into the Super Bowl commercial genre they have pioneered—namely, the Cute Things and Physical Pain class of popular Super Bowl ads. Last year the angry pug was one of the most popular commercials of the big metagame; this year there was a baby slingshot. It involved a baby flying through the air in a very dangerous manner for a snack food.

If I were a literary critic in good standing, I would suggest that there appears to be a clear theme here: Don't try to take Doritos from a cute animal or baby. Just go to the store and buy your own bag of Doritos for like three dollars. I can't emphasize this enough.

Best-case scenario: They take your Doritos and you're the stooge in some Super Bowl commercial: Worst-case scenario: Your shame will be broadcast to 100 million people as you run into some glass or something and break your nose.