Welcome to the 2012 Super Bowl halftime show, choreographed by Edward Gibbon! Madonna, LMFAO, Nicki Minaj, Cee-Lo, and I think Caligula's skeleton starred in a halftime show that looked greenscreened by glitter, featured Madonna's single—it has the word Madonna in it, a lot, in case you forget—and, mercifully, was not the last thing I saw before dying.
Look, I love history, and I love the western world. But if you're an aging, ultra-decadent pop singer performing at the tail-end of a worldwide depression, I can think of better themes for your halftime show at the most overhyped, expensive event in the richest country on earth than "Late-period Roman Empire, only you're kind of rooting for the barbarians to come in and destroy Western Civilization as we know it."
But what do I know: I didn't like the Black-Eyed Peas' TRON suits and futuristic Guts harnesses either. Apparently I can't be pleased, at least by mediocre dance-pop and (in the case of LMFAO) truly abominable dance-pop, whether it's performed in the distant past or the distant future.